Update

Wow! It has been a month since I have posted. I am very sorry for that. I usually post at work, due to not having internet at home anymore, but work has been incredibly busy. For the few of you that read this, I am sorry, I will be better! As I said before, work has been really busy. I finished training a new set of volunteers and am working on another training. I am also planning a fundraiser, our Mystery Dinner. This fundraiser was our big one with LNGC and Pregnancy HopeLine and since I am the only one who has done it before, I am the head of the fundraiser. It is alot of work and pretty stressful. I have also been keeping up with the regular weekly duties on top of those extra jobs.

When pregnant, you usually hit a point in your second trimester when you suddenly feel 100% better. You are no longer tired, you have energy, usually sickenss goes away, etc. My second trimester has so far been worse than the first. I have all of the same symptoms, but they are all much worse and now I have dry heaves. Nope, I don't get sick, I just heave. It is awful. I am also dead tired 90% of the time and can't seem to do much besides go to work and pick Cadence up from school and then I am in bed the rest of the day. I am ready to feel better. I was really thinking this baby was a girl, but I am starting to think boy, because I had none of these symptoms on this level with Cadence. Plus, a girl would never torture her Mama like this!!!

Ben has taken and passed the first of 4 tests to get into the Fire Academy. I am so proud of him. He has also been taking the practice physical tests and is doing so well! The first round of interviews should be in the next week or so. I will keep you updated.

Mom and I are getting ready for a garage sale next weekend and are making leaps and bounds at getting everything cleaned out. We are for sure selling a chair, bakers rack, and Fooseball table on top of all the clothes. If you know any girls who are in middle school, junior high or really tiny women, my sister is selling tons of Abercrombie, Holister, & Aeropostle clothes! Please come by.

So that is how life has been going right now. I will work at updating at least weekly. That sounds like a do-able goal!

7 things that make me happy

I have been tagged by another blog I read to post 7 things that make me happy. Here goes:

1. My daughter. Every day she lights up my life and adds more to my life than anyone. She makes me laugh, cry, and loves me unconditionally.

2. The pool. Right now, our pool is about the only reason we go outside anymore and after a long day of work and errands, it is perfect.

3. Old Navy flip flops. The most comfortable and most affordable flip flops make my whole summer great.

4. My job. I am finally where I wanted to be in my organization and I am getting to grow it and make such a difference. Everything is coming together.

5. Pregnancy. Although the first trimester of pregnancy is never fun, I am just so thankful to be pregnant that most of the time I can overcome the general feelings of sickness. Between the heat and a still undiagnosed sickness that causes joint aches, my pregnancy symptoms are stronger than previously, but there is still not alot than can bring me down about this pregnancy.

6. Thrift & Discount stores. I am very thankful for two stores especially: Value Thrift & Ross. Ross has allowed me to purchase a couple of cheap maternity shirts, a pair of shorts and a pair of khakis to get me through the rest of the summer. For those who don't know, maternity clothes are expensive. And since most of my time being pregnant will be in cooler and cold months, it is not smart to spend alot of money of clothing items I will only wear for a month or two. Cadence starts school next week and I knew that she would be needing some fall clothes before I knew it. While it is fun to by your kids cute clothes, it can also be really really expensive! At two thrift stores this weekend, I found a gymboree top, Children's place jeans, a gap wrap sweater, gap jeans, two pairs of gap pink cords, and a motherhood maternity shirt for me. Along with 4 books. Between how expensive kids clothes are and how hard they are on them, there is little reason to spend so much money on cute clothes, especially when you can find them just as cute for really cheap. Another favorite of mine is the JBF sale, which starts this Sunday here in Tulsa. I hope to finish up KK's school clothes shopping next week at this sale, as well as stocking up on maternity clothes.

7. My husband and family. I have an incredible family who loves me and supports me. I am so thankful for all of them and have so much fun with everyone.

Okay, for anyone who reads this, Tag, you're it!

4

My darling daughter acts like she is 4 years old. Yes, she is only 3 1/2 but lately, she sure sounds and acts like a 4 year old. Her speech is becoming more articulated and she is using very mature words. The other day while talking to my mother in law, she used the word "speak" instead of "talk". This morning her heightened maturity bordered on attitude. I passed by the bathroom as she was finishing and reminded her to wash her hands. She replied, "Momma, you just don't need to worry about this, you just go in the living room and leave me alone". When I proceeded to explain that we have to wash our hands, I was met with her new phrase of the month, "That's not fair!". Seriously, does that sound like a three year old?

On the other home fronts, I have entered the world of maternity clothing, elastic waste bands and baby doll shirts. After your first pregnancy, it is like your body knows when you are pregnant and your stomach muscles just stop working! I am ready for the first trimester to be over for many reasons. I will feel a great sense of accomplishment and security when I hit 12 weeks. God is good to us and has blessed us with this third pregnancy. After a miscarriage you never view pregnancy the same, which is kind of a curse. I am just thankful to be pregnant again. Thanks to all of you out there for your prayers and well wishes!

Baby

The rumors are true: I am pregnant! I am 8 weeks pregnant, due March 12. We have waited this long to tell most people (and post a blog) after our experience with the miscarriage earlier in the year. Although I am still in my first trimester, I have heard the heartbeat and seen my doctor and feel confident to post a blog and let the world know! I appreciate all of the prayers I received at the time of the miscarriage and after and all of the support from everyone who knew how much we wanted another baby. Cadence is very excited and says the baby is girl. We have know idea yet, but as soon as we know the world will also know. Everything is going great so far. I am very tired and worn out, but not really that sick. I am not really starting to show, but with second and third babies, it is like your stomach muscles say "Oh, you are pregnant now? Good, because we are done working!" And suddenly you have a fat belly that is not really baby. So I am already wearing some maternity clothes and using my belly band. (Belly band is a great idea, a large band that you can put over your pants so that you do not have to button them and it holds the pants up so you can wear your regular pants longer!) With Cadence, I used my Old Navy credit card to but maternity clothes, but with this one, we are no longer using credit cards, so I am searching for cute, cheap clothes. Ross has been great! Plus, the babydoll style that is in right now helps to find clothes to wear. I see my doctor again in two weeks for another ultrasound and checkup. Hopefully with that ultrasound I will have a picture to scan in that looks more like a baby than the bean picture I have now! Also, Jenny, I am glad you are back in Tulsa!

Friends?

This weekend an incident happened that left me feeling incredibly betrayed and in shock at how I was treated by two of my close friends. I am not sure if either of them read this, but I will keep the details at a minimum to protect their privacy. I would like to think that this was a misunderstanding, but when no one answers your calls or returns them, you realize that you are being avoided for a reason. I was and am terribly upset, I have been friends with these two a long time and I gave up something very important (tickets to go see Jerry Lee Lewis) in order to be with them. Then I was ditched and I turned down many other plans for this one event. It has been a long time since a friend has hurt me as bad as this did. If you guys are reading this, I am incredibly hurt and confused. If it was a misunderstanding, then you should have answered my calls or called me back. I am not sure where to go with this, especially because with one of these girls, this is not the first time and I feel like I have gone out of my way to try to do things with her, only to get hurt. I think I am done reaching out.

the perfect blog

Over the last couple of weeks, I have thought of a dozen or so different blogs that I wanted to post, but never managed to find the right amount of time to post the "perfect blog". So, instead of being a perfectionist, I finally realized that my main goal for this blog was to journal, and journaling is not perfect. Today is the Friday after the 4th and I have been off work since Tuesday. I started work today ready to go and get lots done, but then I realized I was alone in my suite today. Usually this is fine, but the last three days I have worked, Cindy has been in the Tulsa office helping out, so it has been quiet in my suite. I guess the silence has gotten to me, because I have had a hard time concentrating. I hope once this blog is done, I will have enough off my chest to get busy until time to go get stuff ready for our garage sale tomorrow. This will be our second garage sale of the summer. I started putting stuff aside for a garage sale in December when I found out I was pregnant, in order to make room for a new baby. So I have had boxes stacked in closets and rooms through out the house all year. After this garage sale, everything that is baby related or child related, will go the Pregnancy Center and everything else will go straight to Goodwill. My mom is also using the garage sale to clean out her house and the storage building she rented after my grandma passed away to keep her stuff in until we had time to go through it. I know how hard it is to get rid of my grandma's stuff and I am proud of my mom for being able to do it!
I finally heard back from my doctor today on the tests I had done last week. For those of you not up to date, off and on for years, I have experienced some health problems, some minor and some not so minor. Two years ago, I was finally diagnosed with Raynaud's, which causes the blood vessels in my hands and feet to constrict and basically my hands get no blood flow. It is incredibly painful. At the same time I was diagnosed with this, I was experiencing ulcers in my mouth and blisters on my hands and feet. I was tested for Lupus and other connective tissue and rheumalogical disorders, but nothing came back. I was back at the doctor in March with a sore throat that had blisters that lasted for over 2 months. Once again we did tests, but I was told this time that sometimes you can have symptoms for years before the lab work catches up. The doctor and some friends with Lupus advised me to keep track of my symptoms. So, last week, after 3 weeks of painful TMJ, I was back at the doctor. This time I had a list of every symptom I had had recently. This time the doctor suggested I get tested for Celiac's disease. People with Celiac's are basically allergic to glutten, but when your body tries to protect itself from glutten, it does so by not allowing any nutrients to be absorbed, which causes intestinal damage and alot of the symptoms I am having (joint pain, back pain, TMJ, headaches, IBS, miscarriage, infertility). My test for Celiac's came back with one of the markers to be positive. Now they want to schedule my for an intestinal biopsy to for sure determine if I do have Celiac's. I am thankful that I have finally found doctors who will listen and are taking steps to help me feel better. However, if I do have Celiac's disease, it is a life style change. Glutten is in soo much food! However, I have realized that if I do have Celiac's I need to take it seriously because if my body is not absorbing nutrients, it could cause more miscarriages, birth defects, lymphoma, and could explain why I had the miscarriage and why I have not become pregnant yet. It is alot to digest, so I am trying not to worry too much about it yet. But I am going to watch my diet closer from now until the biopsy. The two biggest things I am worried about with having Celiac's is beer and pasta. These are two foods that are not commonly offered in a glutten free variety, especially at restaurants. I don't like liquor, I am okay with wine, but I genuinely like the taste of beer. I usually only have one or two at a time, but I do crave the taste. It does look like you can brew your own gluten free beer, maybe I will have to get Ben started on that!

Congratulations!

Laura, my friend since we were 3, and Brian, a colleague of Ben's were introduced by Ben and I a short while ago. I am happy to congratulate them, Brian proposed last week and they are getting married! I am so happy for both of them and cannot think of a girl who is more deserving of a happy ending. Laura, I love you and wish you guys all the best! Now its time to plan a wedding! Here is a picture of Laura and I our first year of dance together.

Goodbye

Our hyper little Jack Russell Terrier puppy is no longer with us on Earth. Over Memorial Day weekend while we were out of town, Cosmo passed away. We are incredibly sad that our beautiful little dog is gone. We miss her very very much. Cadence is doing okay. I think I am taking it harder than anyone. Cosmo came into out lives shortly after my D &C and became the baby that I did not get to have at that time. I miss her very much and am so sorry that she died. She was a great dog and my sweet little baby. The dogs know something is wrong, Zeus misses her alot. He is not eating very much. I know that God knows more than I do, I just miss her. Thank you to everyone who helped with the situation and everyone who has checked on me. Goodbye baby girl.

Cadence's All About Me

One of the reasons for blogging is to document our lives and what things are like now so that in later years we can look back and see how it has all changed. This is especially important in regards to Cadence because everything changes so quickly at this age. So, Cadence and I have decided to share with everyone some interesting things about her!
Name: Cadence Isabelle Wright
Age: 3 yrs
Pets: Zeus, Chandler, Cosmo, Boo, Beta (yes, our beta fish's name is Beta!)
School: Kirk of the Hills Preschool
Teachers: Venus Tranthum & Deniz Duman
Friends: Koen, Gannon, Will, Bella, Forrest, Olivia, Carolyn
Favorite Songs: Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne (Soooo funny!), Here comes your man by The Pixies, and Shiny Happy People by REM
Favorite Thing to Wear: Dresses and ballet shoes
Favorite Foods: Hot dogs, French fries, apples, cheese, macaroni & cheese, chocolate milk
Most Embarrassing Thing said in public: At a resturant, Cadence noticed a large "mommy and daddy" at a nearby table. Half way through lunch, she said, "That BIG man is going to break that chair!"
Cute things I do right now: Add so,so to everything. "I am so so hungry". Ask why? All the time.
Current parenting issues: Teaching Cadence that she is not the boss!
Favorite toys: Anything animals or babies. Or better yet, baby animals. Our current is a baby sheep (not a lamb, according to Cadence) that baa's and needs a bottle.

Best Friends

All of Cadence's very close friends happen to be boys. Two are family, Will & Forrest. Koen (my co-teacher's oldest son) is probably her current best friend, simply because they are closest in age. For the first half of the year, they had more of a love/hate relationship. All in all, they were more like siblings. Now they are much closer and fight less. In cleaning out my camera, I came across some pictures of Cadence and her boys, so I wanted to share the cute-ness with everyone!

25

Almost two weeks ago, I celebrated my 25th birthday. The day did not start out well at all. It was probably one of the worst mornings in a while. Cadence was still recovering from an ear infection and refused to take her medicine. Zeus also required medicine for his bacterial infection. Cadence had many meltdowns on the way to school. Once I got to school, it did get better. I got some nice gifts and birthday wishes. Cindy, at the Pregnancy Center got me The Hills season one on DVD, because we had talked about it previously and how I had missed alot of that season. Later that evening, we were supposed to meet my mom for dinner and on the way we had to stop at my in-laws house. There I walked into a surprise party that my mom, ben, and my mother in law had thrown for me! It was incredible! I have always wanted a surprise party and it was the perfect mix of my friends and family and generally people I love and that love me! I want to thank everyone who came to the party and those who could not come for keeping the secret and for helping me to have a great 25th birthday! It has been a hard year and I needed that fun night and being around people I love. Above is a picture of mom and I from the party.

The next night we continued the fun at Senor Tequila's with friends and margaritas. It was one of the funnest birthdays I have had.

New Dining Room

As many of you know, we have spent the last week or so working on redoing our dining room. The previous owners had glued a fabric around the middle of the room, along with a strip of wood to break up the wall. It was white on top and dark green on bottom. We knew we would have to prep the walls a bit because as we took the fabric off, it was hurting the wall. However, we had no idea that when we took the wood strip off that the green paint on the bottom had been painted over a couple layers of wallpaper. So a project that should have taken a day or two, then took more than a week. I am glad it is over and am so happy with the results. I love the color! Denise took my shopping for my birthday to a great place in Jenks that is basically an indoor flea market. I found the picture on the wall and clock and she gave me the painting. The buffet was a birthday gift from my mom and it looks beautiful in the room. My main reason for actually getting to our dining room was that I was supposed to host bunko at my house on May 1. The evening before Cadence came down with the stomach flu, so I was unable to host, but it was still so worth it to have the dining room done.

Medicine

We were sent home early from school yesterday because Cadence was crying and really in pain saying her ear hurt. The doctor confirmed that she had a double ear infection and needed 10 days of amoxicillin. Now, on a regular day, KK takes medicine twice a day, Claritin liquid in the morning and a chewable Singular before bed, due to her awful allergies. Medicine is no biggie to her. Except when she feels bad. I spent 30 minutes before the doctor yesterday afternoon trying to get her to take Ibuprofen to help her feel better, only to end up with it all over me and the couch. She never took it. I have spent the last ten minutes this morning trying to get her to take the amoxicillin, with even worse luck. And now we are both frustrated and angry. I called my mom for advice (since as a child I had ear infections as much a most children have a runny nose and had to take amoxicillin all the time) and basically my only options are to force the medicine down her. Great. I was looking forward to a day of cuddling with her, resting, and ending the day with her feeling much better. Now she is in her bed, probably asleep, and I am in the office trying to figure out what to do. Why is it when she really needs the medicine, she won't take? There is no reasoning with a 3 year old.

Decisions

I really do hate making big decisions. I don't particularly like change and hate having to decide about changing things. I have been happy in some way with my job teaching preschool this year and un-happy in others. With Ben's support I had decided not to come back to the preschool and to focus my time and efforts on working at the Pregnancy Center and on (hopefully!) being pregnant. However, we had yet to figure out the monetary ramifications of that decision. Then today, I was offered a different teaching job within the preschool and alot of the things that I have been unhappy with, I would no longer have to deal with. They are even willing to change the job to 4 days a week, so that I could at least devote a full day (Mondays) to Pregnancy HopeLine. It would mean that Cadence could still go to Kirk of the Hills, I would still get the tuition break and make money! However, Ben is not sure he wants me there. One certain person has been the largest source of my stress, and they will still be there. However, I will not have to deal with them as much. I don't know what to do. I know we are not financially stable enough to pass up the job offer. I also would rather work this year while being pregnant, and be able to take time off after the baby is born, than be off and be forced back to work too soon due to financial issues. Being a grown up sucks! I really just want someone else to make up my mind for me.

3

My little girl is three years old. I am not sure how that happened, but it did. Time goes alot faster than you think. Three is such a milestone. Suddenly she is in a new age range in toys, she can start taking things like dance and gymnastics, she looks like a miniature person, and not just a baby or a toddler. I like this age alot. I can't wait to have another baby with her around. She is such a little mother. She loves babies and loves her new niece Bella, who actually resembles Cadence. Her birthday party was a definite success. I am learning to be more laid back at events like this and it definitly pays off. Hopefully when I write a "Four year old" blog next year there will be new baby around...

No Heartbeat

Today is the first day of living with a miscarriage. No heartbeat. How does a baby look like a baby and grow like a baby not have a heartbeat? The doctor said it was recent, the baby measured exactly where it should be. Does that make it easier or harder? We have not told KK yet, what are we supposed to say to a three year old? Do we just wait and see how fast I can get pregnant again? Will I always be scared of losing all subsequent pregnancies? I hope it happens soon. Waiting to physically lose a child that is gone, although it is still inside of you will be torture. You never realize how painful it is, you hear about people having miscarriages alot, statistically 30% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage. I wanted this baby for so long. At times it seemed like we would never have another. And now this one is lost.